O Romeo, Romeo! Perché sei tu Romeo?"

This post discloses a scheme of intrigue, rage, lust, and something better than the world's most passionate lovers. 

None of the names within this account have been changed in order to fully implicate the guilty parties.  Only the fractural facts have been presented, with no known material alterations unintentionally made.

The story you are about to read is most truly TRUE!



There is ALWAYS just something about his smile…which makes everyone wonder, “What is that guy thinking about”?



Yes. This is ABC’s rider leader Randy Austin...a phenomenal pedal-er of hills and a planner of devious plots!

I instantly knew there was going to be trouble the moment I read his email announcing his planned “nice and easy” early season ride for Saturday, April 9th.

What concerned me were the anticipated departure time of 9:30 AM, from the 303 Bike & Hike Parking Lot, and the targeted destination – Anthony’s in Kent.  Something was a foul and out of place here.

You see…”Anthony” is a name which brings back childhood memories, for me, of that famous Prince Spaghetti television commercial. Do you know the one? Where the Italian mother sticks her head out of her second story apartment window and yells, “Anthony, Anthony!” (here is a utube link for Prince Spaghetti 33 second Commercial ).

Immediately you see a 12 year old boy running on a mission to be home on time for dinner, because he knows that Wednesday night is Prince Spaghetti night in the North End of Boston.

I don’t know a lot about the Akron Bike Club, but I am well aware that "you know who" would be at Anthony’s at the around the exact time this Randy Austin led ABC ride group would be arriving.

Duh! ROMEO is of Italian decent.  Yes.  We all know they are all headed "down hill" at this phase of their cycling careers...even if they are riding those fancy expensive Italian bicycles.  And, most importantly, everyone knows that Saturday is ROMEO’s Anthony's day in the North End of Kent. 

Just ask anyone who speaks Italian this question!

QUESTION : "O Romeo, Romeo! E 'Sabato mattina. Perché sei tu Romeo?"
ANSWER : Mangiare a colazione di Anthony’s!

English TRANSLATION

QUESTION:
O Romeo, Romeo! It’s Saturday morning. Wherefore art thou Romeo?
ANSWER:
Eating breakfast at Anthony’s!

Need I say more?  Okay, I will....

Let's be clear, everyone knows that no ABC group would ever be caught dead in the same establishment that Team ROMEO was eating at (there would be no pancakes left and certainly no blueberry toppings)!

Besides the lack of food, this potential combination would be like mixing together:

...oil and water
...the Veronas Montagues and the Capulets...the original feuding families (see "literary" correction posted by Anonymous below in "comments" )
...the Sharks and the Jets (for those who hang out on the "Westside")
...the Red Sox fans and the Yankee fans (Go SOXs!)
... the Hatfields and the McCoys (rock on bluegrassers)
...or the "Real McCoy" of rival gangs, on bike, the ABCers and the ROMEOs

For recorded, here is my first back handed account of what actually happened last Saturday morning:

I tried my best to prevent this potential conflict from occurring by arriving at the 303 Park & Ride only five minutes before the 9:30am launch.  However, my "last minute maneuver" did not deter their mission.

With "fingers snapping" and "feet a twitching", you could feel the tensions rising.  This group, that Austin had rallied together, were like a "Steampunk" bomb waiting to explode.  And, Jim Bowker, the "Hammer Guy" was there to put the hammer down.

I have never seen a group of cyclists depart the 303 Bike and Hike at such a furious pace!    As they sped off, Jim Bowker was pedaling and singing these song lyrics to himself, but everyone could hear him:

Got a rocket, in my pocket...just play it cool boy. 

I don't doubt for one minute that he had a rocket in his pocket.  If it was not a rocket, it would have been the latest and greatest energy supplement...which would be perceived accurately, by any sound minded ROMEO, as a chemical weapon.

As Randy pedaled, he said nothing.  He just smiled that infamously goofy smile of his.  Occasionally he would laugh to himself with a conclusive, "Ha, ha, ha, ha", clearly giving the impression that this was the day!

Their wicked plans almost imploded when we rolled on to North Main Street after cruising down the Kent Bike Trail.  You should have seen the look of bewilderment on Randy's and Jim's faces when they spotted those "Road Closed" signs.  In order to not fail, they shouted out orders to ignore the "Road Closed" signs and guided the entire group through that illegal passageway. 

When we pulled in front of Anthony's, those ROMEOs were just rolling out onto the side walks.  Everyone quickly grabbed their bikes and started shouting insults at each other.  I think the worst I heard was, "Ha, lookie there..they brought the Blogger with them!"

That hurt!  I couldn't take it and I leaped off my bike and ran towards the leader of the ROMEO's pack.

Because I owed him one, I did punch Dr. Tom in the right arm.  (But he had it coming for making me chase after "Motoring Mike", three weeks ago, who was completing a Truxell Hill climb.  The next day my impacted and inflamed knee was so bad I could barely walk.  That's when I started blogging.)

After much pushing and shoving, well not a lot of pushing and shoving...cuz those guys are push overs, Randy and Jim grabbed Dr. Tom and demanded he start attending BBA (Blue Berries Anonymous).

Officer Crumpky showed up.  The ROMEOs rode off.  And the victorious ABC riders took over Anthony's.  The take over was so brutal, Jim and Randy even got the restaurant's WIFI password to insure future control of this turf.

I don't think I forgot anything that I could not remember about this account.

All that is left is your roll role in this caper...for you have read this far and are therefore INVOLVED! (roll changed to role...under protest...as discussed in the comment section below)

A case for the Jury to Decide:

It has taken some time to fully investigate a few hot leads, but I have uncovered “the whole story” behind the planning and plotting of this "rival" ambush attempt! 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, "Here are three unique Fact Findings for your consideration":


Fact Finding #1 - Juliet's Appeal to Find the "Ghost of Her Lost Lover" who now lusts "Blueberry Pancakes"



Juliet:  Where is that rotten lover of mine?  Probably out eating pancakes again!!!
Randy Austin:  Don't worry Juliet...I'll lead a posse to find that "Luster".
                       Jim Boker:  Yeah!  It will be one heck of a RUMBLE ride!                                   


Fact Finding #2 - Face Book Evidence of ABC Rumble Rider


I like "Determined Don" a lot.  But I am thinking he looks much too shady with those shades on.  And what is all this talk about being part of the new "chain" gang.  Why he even has "fire" coming out of his wheels that Steve must have helped him with...if I mis-read his face book post correctly.  Once a good man, now a "bad apple" lead down the wrong path by Randy and Jim.  How tragic! 


Fact Finding #3 - Proof in the Pudding as to who got the last two blueberries...The "Luster" himself!

Eating these pancakes is going to be
better than...XXX!  These are the only reason I am still riding my bike!

Is there any need for further evidence and "altered" facts?  I think not. 

Keeping pedaling Dr. Tom.  Your 234,000 life time miles is only a moon shot away if you are not thrown in jail for molesting those pancakes.

Click this link, http://www.theideashoppe.com/team-romeo/tom200.htm, for a recap of Dr.Tom's amazing cycling accomplishments.  

Case closed....don't blame the blogger for starting any riots.  As always, more to follow!

So how do you judge this jury?


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